i dunno wad i can do to stop this feeling from coming back... seriously.. i hate to feel my heart sinking... but i cant help it... every single thing i do, the wad if tots will come back... is not that i want to be pessimistic.. but tots juz flow in.. i try to push them away.. but i cant... sigh... especially exam time... it only makes me more scared.. haha... weird...

came to the conclusion that no matter wad u do there's always a downside.. haha.. like if u go tell someone something about another person which u think u made a correct decision, den u might be known as bad mouthing another person.. haha... best is dun do anything... haha... pretend u dunno abt anything and it'll be better!!

driving lesson was ok today.. juz tt the instructor say he feel like puking after sitting in my car... and yar.. i got the instructor which last time some other instructor was trying to matchmake us one.. make me soo paiseh la... den the whole of today's lesson he was more quiet den the other times.. haha... purposely choose weekends coz i tot he dun teach on weekends.. in the end still kena him... haha.. but he's not bad la.. at least my u-turn is quite ok... haha.. cant wait to drive again... i'm beginning to love driving more!! juz tt its too ex.. :( k la.. i shall go try to study!! jia you!

such a nice day to sleep... haha... and i think i spend quite a bit of time lazing on my bed... but of coz... i'm quite productive too!! haha.. went airport to study wif jeannie yesterday!! soo fun... haha... coz i finally ate popeye's.. yeah!! overall... yesterday is a nice day!!! haha... coz i receive msgs frm ppl i was thinking of... ppl like bossie... haha.. i was thinking of her when she suddenly msg me telling me she's missing me.. haha... super sweet... u nv noe how happy i was to receive ur msg!! :) and oso frm u.. thanx and all the best for ur exams too..

feeling very weird now.. cant explain y too.. haha... somethings are juz very simple.. but den ppl love to make it complicated... and after tt... it is still the simple thing.. actually.. i dunno wad i am toking abt le... study!!!

i hate myself for not letting go.. this is really an ultra bad week.. everything i do and everywhere i go, i'll think of things that i am not supposed to remember... things that should long be thrown away.. things that are no longer existent... haiz... bad week.. i hate long bus rides!!

yeah! finally done with my midi project le... though it's not very nice, but that's all i can do le.. :P haha... as i promised.. i shall blog about zhen's aka lulu's bday celebration... well... with me and yun planning a surprise for her, how boring can that celebration be?? haha... me and yun met in sch to go arts canteen and eat before it close for renovation... so we met to eat lunch and study till 4 plus to go to clarke quay... but.. i was in the discussion room most of the time with the blk d ppl coz my laptop need to be charged... :p

den after we left the library at 4 plus, i went back to my room to change and to put my laptop before we head to harbourfront to get a bday cake for the bday girl... and on the way, it suddenly struck me that someone else might buy the cake, so i asked yun, and she told me about how the bday surprises were always planned by her.. haha... and how her frens in jc tricked her by buying a "huat kuey" for her and make her believe is her bday cake! haha..

sooo.. me and my weird ideas suddenly tot we shud bluff zhen by buying her a bread or sth to pose as her bday cake... haha... and while searching for a presentable one.. we bought a "ang ku kuey" hahaha.... and took an extra candle from the shop we bought the cake from which is swiss bakery if i'm not wrong... den we started discussing how to not let her find out about it...

in the end, we reached clarke quay super early.. we suppose to meet at 630pm at clarke quay and we reach there at 6... so we went to settler's first and put the cake there... den on our way there, i told yun not to tell anyone about the cake.. so only the 2 of us noes that there is actually a cake.. the rest juz tot that we never buy!! the rationale behind it? coz if the rest noes, they wun act paiseh tt they didnt buy a cake.. so... to make everyone as natural as possible.. we didnt tell anyone!

den after dinner... i ask the waiter for a plate and yun ask him for matchstick, and while everyone was busy talking and playing, i was putting the happy bday deco on the kuey and candle.. and light it up... haha... imagine the look on everyone's face when they saw the "cake" super funny... and we managed to let everyone believe that that was her bday cake! and we took a lot of photos with the "cake" coz it's special! haha.. i shall upload the photos another time.. but it's real cute! haha.. her face was a bit sian when she saw the "cake"... :)

den after quite some time, when the person told us that our time was up, we decided to ask them to bring out the cake.. haha.. and when she saw the person carrying out the cake, everyone guessed it was her cake, but she said "bu shi wo de la.." den i tried to act serious and say. "yar la.. u think we al so bo liao bluff u al meh?" till the person walk to our table with the candles all extinguished and say "we tried our best le.." den me and yun juz start laughing and lit the candles again!! haha..

zhen was really surprised!! haha.. well girl.. since urs is the last 21st bday of our clique of coz i wun be soo evil not to buy u a cake la.. i m soo nice rite?? hope u did have a surprise!! haha.. i really think my gui zhu yi really a lot lor... haha... super fun!!! okie.. shall go back to study le.. haha... driving tmr!!!!

amidst all the fun, painful memories came back.. this week is juz a bad week.. i saw ur photos wif her, i played the game we used to play before i left for australia, remember the things u said once, the sweet lil things that u used to do.. and while packing up juz now, i saw the negatives of the photos we took the day u tried to be sweet to me, the xmas pressie u and ur family gave me.. maybe i will nv forget u..maybe i will.. wadeva is it.. i juz hope the memories will stop haunting me.. let me live happily juz like how i used to be.. i noe i shud stop missing u.. but i do... and i m thankful that i wasnt alone the whole of last nite coz i noe i wud definitely break down.. :) thanx for not leaving me alone to think abt it..

bad mood... perhaps due to the cramps and backache... and the irritating midi thing that is driving me crazy... ppl say that it's quite nice.. but.. i dun think so... not that i am a perfectionist.. but when it comes to things concerning music, i am super particular... sigh... maybe it will take me more den a year to really compose a nice song... nope.. a tune!! but den.. i only got one more nite left... how?? i need my ah xin's brains now!! haha...

i shall see how long he will take to buy the 2 lil poor hamsters the cage they desperately need instead of leaving them to live in the poor yellow container!! poor hammies... now proper cage and bottle la... and he even threatened to pond them!!! soo poor thing...

sigh.. i shall go back to doing that damn midi thing... haha.. and to think robson still ask me to take part in the ke7 composing competition when i cant even get my som project done!! haiz... i feel like i can die soon!! oops.. supposed to blog abt zhen's bday celebration.. nvm.. i shall do tt tmr after i finish tt damn project!! haha.. nitez...

freaking irritated with the stoopid midi thing... argh!! i hate being irritated with projects, coz that make me super hot tempered... and i will flare up at any slightest thing... haiz... i shall juz lock myself in my room and be locked out of the whole world while i'm doing this to avoid flaring up at ppl again!!

super happy day!! la la la... first thing is coz all my lectures have ended officially!!! haha... and another thing is i finally got the first A for my term paper, the critique which i complained about.. haha... coz it's the first time i'm doing a critique mah.. so a bit irritated, coz dunno how to write... but after a year in arts, it seems like when u are forced to come up with a 3 page filled with words in 1 nite, it's not much of a problem, as long as u get down to start writing something... not much of a problem in the sense that u will not fail... juz not do well too... :)

i am officially naming milo the most effective laxative for me!! haha... i am really super blur today la.. went to sch, and wanted to drink something, so went to the vending machine, wanting to get ribena... in the end.. i ended up pressing the milo button... and now, my tummy hurts like crazy!! argh... but den again.. i think i might be really allergic to milo and oreo... only these 2 can make me get tummy upset... :( but i love them... haiz...

i finally got back the subsidy for hols hall stay le! haha.. so i am a bit bit richer, though not much richer, since i need to buy files to file all my notes tmr... :) finally meeting lele in school le... haha... we supposed to be lian ti ying lor.. but we only meet like less den 10 times in a year la... where got lian ti ying like tt one?? :( haha.. yeah! fri meeting lili for lunch and mugging den we going to celebrate lulu's bday!! haha.. soo happy!! :)

haha... suddenly miss the mugging days in clubroom with fred and christine and the occasional yuzheng... haha... i miss sleeping on the sofa while trying to mug... and staying over in the clubroom till the next morning, den go back and bathe, and go back to clubroom again to continue mugging!! walking to cheers in the middle of the nite to buy sth nice to chew and keep ourselves awake.. celebrating fred's bday after exams.. playing all sorts of music in the room.. eating steamboat in the room while we were supposed to be mugging and doing a major cleanup for the clubroom after that.. going out in the middle of the nite in yuzheng's car to eat supper at holland v.. and i miss fighting over the sofa!! haha.. all the fun studying memories i had in csc... sigh... really really miss all these fun days... haha... now when i think about it... clubroom was really my third home at tt time.. even though i have a room i choose to stay there... haha... sigh... i guess i only can miss those times le.. okie.. i shall go back to study le.. :(

i wonder y must i always get addicted to some game when it comes to exams!! haha.. maybe is coz aloysius always buy the sims expansion pack for my bday pressie!! den i will get hook on it!! argh!! wrong timing!! haha.. must jia you le... exams really coming.. is like another 13 days more.. sigh... no more playing.. only mugging!! quite proud of myself, coz i mug a lot leh... though when me and yun were supposed to be studying at the expo's the coffee bean & TEA LEAVES!! i was eating most of the time.. haha... i seriously think it's ur face la! make me feel like eating.. :p

den when i came back, slack a bit, play wif the cute lil hamsters a while den go west coast park macs to study wif jeannie!! and i sort of finish studying science of music le! haha... quite glad tt after this week i will have one less module to worry about le.. haha.. so excited!! but still got 4 more to jia you! this sem must pull my cap back to above 3.5 or else i sure die one... haha...

and i mug till 10 am today leh!! so proud of myself.. though a lot of times i was dozing off, den wake up and read 2 sentences den doze off again... haha... and keep kpoing see who walking out of our block... but at least i studied!! and it's not really last min compared to the 2 sems!! so proud of myself... haha... k la.. i shall go nap abit.. if not later go airport sure sleep one... sigh... my back hurts stilll.. :(

sigh... this morning went to see the chinese sinseh for my back.. and den it was super pain la... she dunno use wad electric current thing on me... make me squirm here and there... *roar* and it's still pain... think i need to go for xray le... coz i seriously think my spine is too curved liao... haiz... but tt will have to wait after exams... quite freaky leh.. coz spinal injury is no joke... can be paralysed one... let's juz hope it can tahan till after my exams... haha...

anyway, tried to play maple on my laptop yesterday, and i dun understand y i cant log in la... *angry* hrmph! in the end i juz gave up trying to play le... coz it's super slow.. as in my laptop.. i seriously think is juz the nus config tt make my laptop super slow when it is used outside sch... haiz.... so when i move home, i am going to reconfig my laptop again...

supposed to start studying now, but feeling very very sleepy now... haha.. okie.. i shall go sleep den study again when i wake up! oo.. juz read the comments on tt *ahem* blog entry!! haha... yy super angry la... all the vulgarities come out... but den again, i think he shud noe by now tt the block dun like him le... serves him rite for being soo eediotically chauvanistic!! i hate pigs like that!!! it makes them worse den pigs!! :)

seriously.. tell me how childish and irritating can guys get... yesh.. cheng chee kin... if u are waiting to for me to dedicate another blog post to u, u've done it again!! omg... i cant imagine how childish year 4s can get la...

background: last nite, amanda was feeling super sleepy after one nite of dealing with suspicious and childish guys of blk d, so she decided to go sleep early at 1030pm... 1.5 hours later, her handphone rang... she picks up and answer in her sleepy tone..

amanda: "hello.."
ck : "wake up wake up!! u sleeping ar?"
amanda: "yesh... wad u want?"
ck: "haha... finally i disturb ur sleep le! wake up wake up!"
amanda (slightly awake now) : "you didnt call me juz to wake me up for no reason rite? dun tell me you are really that childish?"
ck: "no la.. i wanted to give you some work one.. but den since you sleeping, den i shall irritate u.. muahaha.."
amanda (getting pissed now) : "wad u want me to do?"
ck: "nvm.. i shall call u at a later time when u fall back to sleep juz to wake u up again... bye..."
amanda: "ok.. bye.."

yesh.. that is how childish he is!!! omg!! do u noe i keep dreaming about u doing the same thing.. is like nitemare la!! wah lao... u give me nitemares!! den this morning i nicely msg him to ask wad was it he wants me to do last nite, and i figured out that he juz only want to disturb me!! argh!! cant believe it!!

anyway, for consolation, u r not the only childish and cannot make it year 4 around... there's another brainless year 4 guy and for safety reasons, i shall not name him.. i will only name ppl that i like, or my frens in my blog... so he shall be called *ahem*

yesh.. *ahem* got ponded last nite while i was in my sleep... apparently the girls cant take it anymore, so went to do some weird and smelly things to pond him... and den... he post sth on the blog that make me damn pissed... he said.. "they know who is boss when it comes to ponding and succumb to the males."

wad the hell.. i hate chauvanistic males.. i seriously think for someone to write this out, he must be brainless... hello... wake up ur idea.. we never pond guys if u realise, and u r the only one to get ponded this year and last year by girls alone.. and the reason y we nv pond u guys is firstly, u al are like pigs la.. heavy if u dun understand.. and we cant be bothered to be wet and dirty for u al... yesh!!

next.. coz we have much better things to do like bitch about u al, and study den to go plan a ponding in the middle of the nite to get ourselves wet and dirty, and have to bathe again after that... the difference is u guys are never clean, and as such, when u al want to bathe, u al juz come up with a stoopid excuse to pond us, den shun bian go bathe... for us, we bathe the moment we come back and hence, we dun need to get ourselves dirty again after bathing...

and last but not least, i bet u al pond us coz u al want to have the one and only chance to touch us... but den, we dun need it!! hello... i still think the guys who pond girls are super despo to have the rare chance to carry girls, since in future most probably u wun have the chance to do that, coz no girls will want to go near u al la... *pissed*

suppose to go sleep the moment i come back but den my gastric really hurts a lot.. sigh... hate it when it comes back every month... it really can kill me la... is like a lot of air stuck in there and going to explode anytime! hate that feeling... haha...

met up wif boss and auntie ong juz now for dinner!! we had lotsa fun! haha.. i miss hanging out wif them... listening to auntie ong tok abt her bf, and buying things with bossie... and telling her wad she want me to tell her when she's buying her beckham book!! haha... i miss the times we used to hang out after sch and go around to slack!!

seriously toking to them brings back a lot of memories... good and bad ones... one thing for sure.. everytime i hang out wif boss, i will sure think of him... haha... but den again.. it's not her fault.. coz they stay too near le... seriously, after soo long, i still have phobia going near his place... i'm scared of seeing him happier... maybe coz i will be jealous... but den, i noe the time when i can finally not think about him after meeting boss would be the time when i really let go... :)

argh! feeling very terrible now... with the constant going to puke feeling... i hate gastric!! sigh.. shall try to go back to sleep again!! haha... :p

i am damn damn irritated wif *ahem* pls la... stop trying soo hard to fit in can?? juz be urself la... ok.. maybe being urself = being irritating!! damn pissed... i could live with u making noise 3 times the normal volume when u enter a place.. but pls stop trying to do stoopid things and create stoopid scandals out of nothing... *roar* how i miss the once peaceful and conducive for studying lounge... haiz... now whenever *ahem* comes in, we'll have to go back and try to study in our room le... argh!!! pissed...

i'm happy!! i got a b for my term paper which i did in less den 6 hours! haha... imagine the shock when i got back and saw a b on it! though there were a lot of comments in there that say i nv elaborate and i shud elaborate, but den.. i still got my B!!! haha... happy!!! guess this sem is not tt bad afterall with the exception of lang and cog... that one is a sure gone module le la... its the only module that i failed the test... okie.. i cant say tt yet, coz adolescent test not over yet... haha... but den mcq shudnt be tt bad ba... i must really start working hard le!!! no more slacking and sleeping!!! jia you!!

suppose to go sleep coz i'm feeling quite terrible now, but den cant get to sleep... haiz... hate it when this happens... i think i noe y i'm sick everytime i go home le... coz my room is real dusty!! and i am very allergic to dust!! sianz... think this wun happen when i move to my new house, coz finally, my room will be my room! no more unwelcomed ppl in my room to dirty the place and throw things around my bed other den myself!! haha... i love the feeling of having a room all to myself without anyone messing up my place other den, of course, myself!! haha...

amanda oso loves to move house!! coz moving means new beginning!! haha... all the bad memories i had in the old house will be gone soon!! i love the feeling of that!! though i still cant imagine myself climbing 3 storeys up everyday!! haha... but at least i can console myself with the fact tt no lift = jian fei!! haha... den i will become a mei nu!! haha... yeah!!! i am happy!!

and since my room is small, i cant move everything over.. which means i will have to throw away certain things!! haha... things that used to be very impt and memorable to me will have to go to the rubbish chute!! i'm happy!! coz not looking at the things=no reminders of it!! haha... happy!!!

super pissed wif the guys... how childish can they get? spoil my nice day la.. first thing.. i told them super nicely and even wrote on post it and went around pasting on their doors "thanx for moving the chairs up... pls remember to put the chairs back to the com hall.."i seriously think i am crazy to be so nice to them... i mean.. who in the rite frame of mind will waste her time writing notes to thank them for playing a prank on me? i really must have been crazy den...

den went i came back last nite, i was quite sleepy, but was trying to complete the writeup for my project.. in the end, i fell asleep, and got woke up by some noise... apparently, they ponded jeannie again.. luckily i latch my door after i heard their noises... so i open my door, and see jeannie wet again.. though she juz finish bathing.. yupz.. and xj apologize for the noise they make, and so i reminded them to remove the chairs again...

when i woke up in the middle of the nite at 3am coz of a msg, and started doing my project writeup again, i suddenly remembered the chairs.. somehow i juz got this gut feeling that the childish bunch of ppl put sth in front of my door again... true enough.. they leave one damn, pathetic,f***ing chair outside my room with the exact same note! super pissed la.. ppl nice to them they dun appreciate... must make me flare up den they are happy... wth is wrong wif them... really super pissed now..

den juz now yiling said my nick sounds fierce.. hello!! how do u expect me not to be fierce when they keep doing such childish things? i'm very irritated now! and apparently, i'm not the only one... jeanette, adeline and yiling are pissed too... really.. how chilidish can u al get? pls la... i have limits to my niceness lor.. dun try to cross the line...

okie.. i shall blog about the weird things i heard today regarding the chairs outside my room!! first thing when i open the door and saw caroline walk out of her room..

me: "caroline.."
caroline screams...
me: "u scream for wad? i shud be the one screaming!!"
caroline: "haha.. u got stuck ar??"
me and caroline try to move a path for me to walk out..
me: "the guys damn bo liao la... wad the hell.. soo irritating!"
caroline: "i tot is ur VC got event den they put the chair outside ur room leh..."
me: -_- "diao.. y wud i ask them to put the chairs outside my room? the event will nv be held outside my room oso mah!!"

next... in the lounge... after caroline have finish lessons, and make me accompany her to the lounge so tt she could get wireless connection... allan walk in to eat his lunch.. and we told him wad happened... and we saw dean, so dean walked in to get scolded by us...

me: "you al really very free rite? put chairs outside my room?"
dean: "i was going to the toilet and they dragged me to go pull chairs with them.."
me: "dragged??"
juz as he was trying to argue his way thru... jason came in... apparently, jason pulled the chairs aside to the lift there...
caroline: "eh.. jason.. beat dean leh.. he was one of the culprit that put the chairs outside amanda's room den make all of us cannot walk one... must help jeannie beat him"
jason: said sth but i cant hear, but the meaning is wun beat dean la..

juz den, jeannie walked in... and started hitting dean... quite hard i think, coz according to him, he got bruises, which i think he very much deserved!! haha...

jeannie: "you noe for the past two nites i have been very sensitive to noises after watching the ring? den last nite i even leave my laptop music on and my lights on and slept at 4am! and this morning when i woke up, i was staring at the pile of chairs wondering was there some renovation going on by Mr Lim.. den i tot cannot be.. so i started thinking if if there's any event going on.. and finally.. i realised it cant be, and i got scared so i close the door, latch it and go back to sleep!"

okie.. apparently, she said sth like tt... and dean summarised to shao jie that jeannie tot the ghost move the chairs outside my room! haha...

next scene.. me, jeannie, xj and cailin were at the lift landing outside lvl 7... jeannie was explaining her tot processes again... den i was telling cailin how funny i tot caroline was...

me: "you noe caroline tot that the chairs were stacked up outside my room for some vc events?"
cailin: "i also think that it was for some vc event leh.. i was still thinking why u need so many chairs for.."

....... end of story... haha... i had a lot a lot of laughter today!!

imagine the shock of finding urself trapped by a pile of chairs early in the morning when u wake up.. yesh! the stoopid bo liao ppl did it again! wth... are they stoopid or crazy to do tt? later when auntie comes up to sweep the floor, she will surely make a big fuss out of it la!! and using caroline as an excuse is worse.. wad makes u think i got no test tmr?? or presentation to begin wif... but nvm.. now i noe who i can go look for when i need ppl to move chairs again for VC...





































conclusion: guys are bo liao and only have the muscles but no brains...

decided to blog coz i am really bored now... juz no mood to study now... sigh... 3 weeks more to exams and i have no mood to study.. really digging my own grave now la... haha... yeah! finally tmr is thursday... haha.. i love thursdays... coz only 1 lecture... and den it's the end of the week! i love it! haha...

jeannie is the sweetest!! haha... it was raining very very heavily today, and i was super tired... all i could think of was my lil bed in hall!! and i was yearning for it... well... darren kept saying i have slept my whole sem away, and i was reasoning with him in lecture that i didnt.. and the more we talk abt sleeping, the more i miss my bed.. suddenly i hear the sound that i hated the most! sound of a heavy rain! sigh...

so after lecture, i called jeannie telling her i am stuck in school! and she took an umbrella to fetch me from the busstop!! thanx a lot lot... if not i really have to try to sleep at the psych table which obviously have no place for me to sleep, and i will obviously end up talking rubbish there le... haha...

anyway, super sleepy now... later still have vc meeting... sigh.. i really really hate to scold ppl... as in i hate to be strict with them, but they always like to take advantage of my nice self, and force the evil side out of me... let's hope everything will run nicely later, and ppl wun get offended... but guess if they dun get offended, i will die again!

argh!! i juz remembered i got project meeting at 8pm! shit.. i want to sleep la!! haiz... that leaves me wif 15 mins.. okie.. i shall go have a power nap!! haha...

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