mOoOo~~

Wednesday, December 27, 2006;

♥ 10:48 pm

it juz keeps raining non stop.. how i wish it would stop like now!! maybe den my mood will brighten up a bit? im really sick and tired of being another me.. someone that i dun even noe anymore.. wadeva happen to the nice, true, real me? i juz feel like another lifeless body.. something is controlling me, or wadeva.. i juz noe this is not me.. i miss the old me.. the one who can juz be real... no need to fake to be very sociable, to be nice to everyone even ppl i really dislike... no need to force out a smile when deep inside my heart is bleeding... no need to force myself to do things i dun like to do, play games i dun like to play juz so coz everyone wants to do that... but den.. wad is this? im socialised to be something that i hate... no longer a person... no longer someone but something...

i want to quit hall! i miss ying a lot... at least when she's here, i can go bug her, lie on her bed and gossip wif her... but now.. i am alone.. in my room... i hate to be alone... i really hate to be alone... coz memories juz wun stop flowing in.. and i juz cant help fearing of wad is going to happen, so on and so forth... and it doesnt help when no one is around this whole damn area...

dun leave me alone.. pls..

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;

♥ 1:29 am

haha.. have been too lazy to blog about my hokkaido trip... well.. i got a cuckoo tour guide.. haha... dun be mistaken.. her name is really spelt tt way... overall it was a super interesting and fun experience.... at least i got a white pre christmas!! haha.. i would love to spend my christmas there... :)

and oh.. my hello kitties!! haha.. bought 21 of them!! haha.. 1 lipbalm, 1 musical box, 1 diary, 1 schedule book, 2 plush toys, 1 cup, 1 mirror, 1 ear digger, 12 keychains!! haha... overall i think i spend 200 plus on them!! so now i am super broke!! haha.. and didnt buy souvenirs back coz yar.. i am too broke... :p soo sorry ppl... but i am a happy girl wif all my hello kitties!! haha..

well... my xmas eve wasnt tt bad.. went ktv with my aunts and cousins and parents.. haha.. till 3 am! imagine how tired all of us were... and i still have to climb like a million steps!! i hate my new house still.. haha.. ok.. i admit i am lazy! but climbing up like 5 flights of steps is crazy la!! :( haha.. but i have to admit can jian fei la...

finally back in hall, though im not exactly that happy being here... haha... weird.. i miss ying.. at least last time when im bored, i can juz go look for her... even when im unhappy, her lame jokes will make me laugh a bit... haha.. hope she will come back for one more sem.. sigh.. i really want to move home... i think i am much happier at home den in hall.. at least i dun feel soo fake... seriously... i think i am born antisocial... socialised to be sociable... but mian qiang shi mei you xin fu de.. so i feel super xin ku... haha.. too much psych le.. :(

no more settlers for me... well... there's actually some game there tt reminds me of someone... and when all of them were excitedly playing it, the memories that keep flowing thru my mind nearly killed me.. my heart went numb.. but i had to force myself to play.. continue with it... i hate that feeling... somehow.. i really wish u would stop haunting me... theres so many things i noe i shud not be thinking of.. but i juz cant control it... haha... weird...

i really dunno wad else to blog abt... i juz want to say.. i hate hypocrites!! haha... yes.. i am referring to a particular someone again!!

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Sunday, December 17, 2006;

♥ 12:26 am

haha.. finally i'll be leaving tmr... :) happy.. coz im finally going hokkaido!! haha... and can buy all the hello kitties le!! soo happy!! :) but somehow.. i dun feel tt great leaving.. coz i m not going to see wad is going to happen for vc's 2nd event... not tt i dun trust the rest.. i juz feel very bad... and oso.. it's blk d's turn this time.. so i feel very very guilty not going.. haiz.... but i'm sure they will have fun...

haha... and yet weirdly.. i feel tt its the right time to leave again... sigh... its juz me... i love to leave singapore when i am facing certain problems... haha... and i guess it's really the right time to leave!! maybe when i m back from holiday, i wun feel tt easily agitated like how i keep getting now...

sigh... i really dunno wad else to blog abt now.. haha...

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Saturday, December 09, 2006;

♥ 12:41 am

juz 3 words for this post..

I HATE HYPOCRITES!!!

yes... i am referring to a particular person...

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Thursday, December 07, 2006;

♥ 11:47 pm

damn irritated with certain ppl... i seriously wonder how long i can tolerate such ppl in the com... not coming back for some impt meeting when event is in 2 weeks time, not feeling worried that the event would be a flop when i am damn worried... i guess it boils down to not feeling in part of the com... but tell me wad else can i do? wad can i do to make ppl come back for meeting and treat meeting seriously?

hello.. wake up your idea can? we dun have a meeting juz coz we feel like it... we have meetings for a reason... why would we call for a meeting if there is no need for one? and i dun see how u can tell me u r going home, and next moment after the meeting, i see u in the lounge talking happily with the rest of them...

do u al noe how pai seh i am everytime when meetings come and only ppl from a particular blk dun attend? and how i try very hard to push the meetings to accomodate to ur timing.. i dun see a point of me doing so when u dun even make an effort to come back earlier from the party juz to come back to attend la... wth... and u noe how bad i felt everytime i have to tell my vice chair tt the same old ppl will be late or are not attending meeting when everyone else tries to attend? argh!!! no need for apologies... if it works, i juz kill someone and say sorry can le meh? pissed...

a super bad day... saw a lot of ppl tt i dun want to see even at the imm branch... wth... first... i tot i would manage to siam tt irritating manager.. but no... he tranfer over and he serve me!! omg.. u noe how much i want to die when i saw him serving my food? but he's ok la.. juz a bit more irritating... nvm... and i saw him again... wth!! see all the ppl i dun want to see... haiz... i wonder y my heart sinks everytime i see him... super bad day!!!

and thats not all.. i still have to play my part to be a nice sister to my monkey bro who complained tt my parents are too strict with him.. i agree sometimes they can be a bit biased.. but i also believe that he shud reflect on himself... argh!! i seriously think i shud juz move back home... no matter how much i dislike my youngest bro... at least i think the time i spend counselling will be more well spend den me trying to deal with irresponsible ppl in hall.... at least i noe he will change... not like some ppl who are in uni but still... *pissed*

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